Pink Blankies of Fear

image credit: www.terapeak.com

When I was born someone gave me a pink blankie, very similar to the one above. The only difference was I do not recall it ever having a tag, and my mom sewed little ducks on the seam. My blankie was my most important possession for a very long time. I would run my little fingers along the silkie edges until I found the spots my mom had to sew the blankie back together. I would rub my "special spot" between my fingers when I felt anxious or worried. My blankie brought me comfort when I was scared and when I was falling asleep. My blankie traveled all over the country with me, went to the doctor's office when I had mono in second grade, the hospital when I had my appendix removed at age nine, and my mom even shipped it to me when I tore my ACL in college so I could wrap that pink blankie around my knee. My security was in my blankie. I believed nothing bad could happen when my blankie was wrapped around me providing a safe place for me.

The other night I was talking about growth and pruning with some friends. A natural instinct and reaction to both growth and pruning is fear - at least for me. I know from experience that growth only comes after being pruned - meaning, something must be removed for new growth to occur - and that is painful - and I don't like pain.

It became very clear to me that I love to hide in my fear - or behind it - or beneath it - because it is safe there. I wear it like a weighted blanket - I wrap it around me like my pink blankie. Fear is heavy and a burden, and yet, I find security beneath it.

Things are predictable when I hide in fear. I am not stretched or strengthened or lengthened. I am not asked to do anything or challenged to move. I am the exact same - shrinking and cowering beneath the weight of my fear. It becomes so safe there that I begin to forget that it's even holding me down. I become complacent. It feels natural and normal and right. I believe the lies that tell me to stay where I am - to stay safe. They say I can't do that - I shouldn't even try since I'll fail or be judged. The lies tell me I'll lose friends. And of course, they remind me that I'm not good, smart, bold, faithful, strong, etc...enough anyway...so why bother?

And so I tuck my knees up, pull my blankie of fear close, and settle in.

But this is not what God wants for us.

He does not say, "Remain in your fear."

He says, "Remain in me, as I also remain in you" (John 15:4).

He says, "I am doing a new thing...do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert" (Isaiah 43:19).

He says, "Do not be afraid..." (this phrase is used 42 times in the ESV translation).

We need to learn to take comfort in our Lord and not in our fear.

We need to understand that change and pruning and growth is good - even if it is painful in the moment.

We need to remember that God would not give us dreams or visions if He had not already provided the provision (Rosilyn Houston).

Let's crawl out from the false security of our blankies of fear and move into what the Lord is calling us to - even if it's painful in the process.