friend chick - part 2

Alright, yesterday I left off giving you only one of Holly's eleven ways of making and maintaining good friendships. The first one was to show acceptance in spite of differences. I hope you were able to take the little quiz! So, let's continue.

2 - Value the friendship, but also the person. Spend time with friends who truly value you. Embrace the differences between you and your friends, don't just tolerate them.

3 - Keep your heart and mind open and accepting. Right now, think of a friend who you have a hard time with. Think about why that is. I have a friend who is so hurt right now, but is unwilling to share her hurt. I could easily shut her out, but I know that it is important for me to accept her as she is, even though some of the things she does could be hurtful.

4 - Build friendships with girls of different personalities, age groups, and backgrounds. If you are single, that doesn't mean that some of your friends can't be married. If you have children, that shouldn't prevent you from having friends without children. If the only channel you ever watch on television is ESPN, this does not mean that you can't have a friend who despises sports. If you're a coffee craver, however, then I would caution you about finding a friend who doesn't drink coffee (just kidding).

I would say that it is as important to have someone older and wiser as a confidant, as it is to have someone younger whose life you are speaking in to. Maybe this is a girl who is struggling with something that you have already survived.

Remember, God Chicks come in all shapes and sizes. Some wear pantyhose, some are athletic, some work, some have tattoos, some dance. Don't allow these differences cause you to reject your sister in Christ. Embrace your differences and build bridges. Don't be selfish!

5 - Remain loyal. According to Mr. Webster, loyalty means, "devoted to, to stand by, to fulfill promises." It also means "to forsake any ambition that compromises the relationship." Loyalty is an extremely important characteristic in a friend.

You should not let convenience dictate when you will be loyal. When you are loyal to your friends, you are committed through the difficult times. Holly Wagner reminds us that friendships are not always 50-50. Sometimes, when your friend is struggling, a friendship might be more like 70-30. If you're having a rough go, it might be 40-60. There may be a time in a friendship when it's 100-0. This is when it's exhausting to be a friend, but this is when you remain loyal to your friend. It's not easy, it's not convenient, but you must remain supportive and stick with your friend.

6 - Rejoice with your friends, even when it's hard. It's easy to be happy for a friend when something good happens that you don't really care about. When Party Chick's cheerleaders win their competitions, I can rejoice without jealousy because I don't coach cheerleading. Sometimes it is hard for us, as women, to be a loyal friend when our friend's life looks much better than our own. When my husband and I were still dating, Princess Chick got engaged. Yeah for her, right? Hmmm, let's see. I had been dating my now husband for well over 2 years. She had known her fiance for 2 months. Of course I was excited for Princess Chick. We were nearly inseparable, but she had something that I wanted, something that I had been waiting and praying for. My heart was so hurt, but I was also happy for her. I was honest with Princess Chick. I told her that I was excited for her, but I needed a moment to wrap my head around it all and pull myself together.

I was so thankful that Princess Chick was sensitive and patient with me while I worked out my selfish, but very honest, feelings. She had been there with me even before my husband and I started dating, and she certainly was about to leave me alone. And, she was one of the very first to rejoice with me when I did get engaged. You see, when you take your eyes off of yourself, you are then able to display your loyalty.

7 - Remember that friendships are like Crock-Pots, not microwaves. For a "drive-though," instant-gratification society, this is a tricky one! Any relationship takes time. Time to develop, and you must invest time. Just because you've known someone for years does not mean that you have developed a close relationship. If neither of you has invested anything of yourself into the other, this friendship will not grow or develop into anything more than an acquaintance.

8 - Never rely on one person to be your everything. God is the only one that you can truly depend on. He is the only one that will never let you down. He will always be there for you. He will never break His promises to you. If you expect the same from one person, or for any person, you will be disappointed. It is easy to want to depend solely on another individual, but not only is this not fair to you (because you will be disappointed), but it is also unfair to that person. That's a lot of pressure to put on one person, knowing that it is an impossible task. Due to our flesh, we will let someone down, and others will let us down.

9 - Be honest with your friends. Does this even need explanation? Be real. You don't need to lie to make friends. Be who you are, and tell them the truth. Your friendships cannot be built on lies. Sooner or later, the truth will come out, and your friendships may not survive.

10 - Offer encouragement. Be the encourager sometimes. Just like you need encouragement some times, your friends do too. Although relationships are not always 50-50, they can't always be 0-100. You need to put forth some effort as well! Get over your fear or betrayal and open up your heart. Relationships must have some depth to them, and the only way to grow deeper in a friendship is to open yourself up and be willing to be transparent.

11 - Don't wait until someone is dead or dying to say good things to them. Right now, in a note, a call, an email, a text, or face-to-face, tell your friends how much you love her. Be specific about what you love about her. Share your dreams, or your fears. Whatever you do, do it now!

friend chick - part 1

"It's better to have a friend than go it alone. Share the work; share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps. But if there is no one to help, tough! By yourself you're unprotected; with a friend you can face the worst." ~ Ecclesiastes 4:9 - 12 (The Message).

THANK GOD FOR GIRLFRIENDS!!! Can I get an amen!?!?

It's so obvious that we are meant to have friends. The One who created us in His image has so perfectly wired us to need each other. These friendships that you build are crucial to your happiness and your success in this life. God knows this. He wants us to have friendships and relationships!

Making friends may be difficult for some of you. The hardest part is reaching out. Remember that friendships require two willing participants. It's tricky to be a true friend to someone who you've never spoken with. Just as we need to be in communication with our Lord, you must also communicate with your friends. If you are shy, this doesn't mean that you need to get up in someone's face on Sunday and announce to her that you would like to be her friend. Perhaps you start slow. Make eye contact and smile. Initiate a conversation, or even just a hello. I challenge you to make the first move. If you sit back and wait for someone to come to you, who knows how long you'll have to sit there? Be bold!

Holly Wagner explains that there are four attributes or characteristics of friendship.
1 - Friendships are an avenue of hope.
2 - Friendships are a place of inspiration.
3 - Friendships provide laughter when you need it.
4 - Friendships offer prayer when you are in need of a miracle.

So my friends (how very John McCain of me...), how do you make friends? Holly gives eleven ways of making and maintaining good friendships.

1 - Show acceptance in spite of differences.
We are all different, and thankfully so. Could you imagine if we were all identical? Hello Stepford Wives! The world would be so boring! What would the Body of Christ look like? If we were all had the gift of teaching, then who would serve?

"Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts according to the grace given us. If a man's gift if prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." ~ Romans 11:4 - 8

See, it's good to be different. Hippocrates (hip-pok-ru-teez), a Greek physician about 400 years before Christ, identified four basic personality types. They are Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Melancholy, and Choleric. If you click here, you can take a quick personality test, and it will give you the results. I'm going to define each type (based on Holly Wagner's definitions), and will tell you what percentage I was in each category.

SANGUINE: A "party-waiting-to-happen". These people are "confetti-in-a-bottle" people! They are lively and energetic, and they can talk to anyone at anytime. Often times these people can be found in the middle of the party. Everything about them is open and moving - mouth, hands, eyes! They use big gestures and laugh frequently and loudly. Sanguines make friends easily, and love being with people. Dull moments are few and far between. But, with all this fun-loving, livin' up life attributes, there are a few downfalls to the Sanguine. They tend to suffer from Foot-in-Mouth disease (I call it word vomit). They tend to dominate conversations and don't stop to think about what is coming out of their mouth (and spewing all over their neighbor). Often times Sanguines are disorganized and forgetful - they buy planners because they look good, or match something. They are superstar starters, but failure finishers. The biggie is that they can be motivated by feelings rather than reality.

PHLEGMATIC: These are the Chameleons, in that they can become whatever is necessary in any given situation. They are not extremely anything. Phlegmatics are generally easygoing and relaxed, peaceful and agreeable. They make wonderful listeners and are very compassionate toward others and their problems. But, they can be unenthusiastic and indecisive. These people are set in their ways, and not super excited about going a different direction. Instead of dolling-up, Phlegmatics will choose to wear the most casual thing the situation will allow. Phlegmatics have been described as slightly lazy - if standing becomes too tiring, they will lean; if leaning becomes too exhausting, they will sit . . . until eventually they are practically laying down!

MELANCHOLY: Here are the deep thinkers. The genius types. They are able to solve problems most of us don't even want to spell! Often times they are creative and artistic. These people buy daily planners and actually use them! Those with a melancholy personality type are very neat and tidy, and they like to live in an orderly and organized environment. Leaving a project undone is not even an option. Friends are made cautiously. They are extremely faithful and devoted friends, and can be moved to tears with compassion. The melancholy types often times will have a very dry sense of humor, but can make you laugh! Emails are always grammatically correct, and they even use spell check. But, these people can be very negative, finding fault in many situations. Irritation arises if things aren't kept up to their standards. Pessimism and depression can plague the melancholy crowd when people and situations don't measure up to their expectations.

CHOLERIC: Here are the leaders! All of the other personality types can learn to lead, but Cholerics just know how to lead. They are goal setters, and set goals for everything. Distractions do not get in the Choleric's way, they just keep moving from A to B. If you don't have an opinion about a certain topic, they will give you one. Patience is not their gift, as they will finish your sentence if you are taking too long. Cholerics are wonderful to have around during an emergency. They either know exactly what to do, or will fool you into thinking that they do! They are extremely energetic and are super multi-taskers. Email has been a life-saver, as it is quicker and easier, and they don't have to waste time chitchatting over the trivial stuff. Cholerics are not easily discouraged, and they can move into action rather quickly. Because of their confidence, these people are great in front of people. But, rather than leading, they often drive people. The can suck the fun out of an activity or project because they are too focused on getting it done quickly. Often times they will step on people and then feelings get hurt. All because their eye is on the prize.

I love this! As I was describing each one, I could see a little bit of me in all of them. I was also trying to determine who my friends are. I've taken this test, or a variation of it, a few times. My results change slightly, but not too much.

This is me in a nutshell:
50% Sanguine
28% Phlegmatic
12% Melancholy
10% Choleric

Girls, it is so important to know who you are. Understand who you are and why! But, even more important - KNOW WHAT OTHERS ARE! Stop looking in the mirror and start looking at your friends. Who are they? What traits do you notice? My girlfriends' names were flying through my head as I was going through this exercise. "Party Chick is totally the life of the party! Champion Chick is completely faithful and devoted. Princess Chick makes friends so easily, and loves to be around people. Warrior Chick is a wonderful listener, and is so compassionate." Understand your friends and value them for who they are!

I know my posts are long. My apologies. I've decided to break Friend Chick into two parts. Tomorrow I will give you the other ten elements for making/maintaining friendships!