friend chick - part 2

Alright, yesterday I left off giving you only one of Holly's eleven ways of making and maintaining good friendships. The first one was to show acceptance in spite of differences. I hope you were able to take the little quiz! So, let's continue.

2 - Value the friendship, but also the person. Spend time with friends who truly value you. Embrace the differences between you and your friends, don't just tolerate them.

3 - Keep your heart and mind open and accepting. Right now, think of a friend who you have a hard time with. Think about why that is. I have a friend who is so hurt right now, but is unwilling to share her hurt. I could easily shut her out, but I know that it is important for me to accept her as she is, even though some of the things she does could be hurtful.

4 - Build friendships with girls of different personalities, age groups, and backgrounds. If you are single, that doesn't mean that some of your friends can't be married. If you have children, that shouldn't prevent you from having friends without children. If the only channel you ever watch on television is ESPN, this does not mean that you can't have a friend who despises sports. If you're a coffee craver, however, then I would caution you about finding a friend who doesn't drink coffee (just kidding).

I would say that it is as important to have someone older and wiser as a confidant, as it is to have someone younger whose life you are speaking in to. Maybe this is a girl who is struggling with something that you have already survived.

Remember, God Chicks come in all shapes and sizes. Some wear pantyhose, some are athletic, some work, some have tattoos, some dance. Don't allow these differences cause you to reject your sister in Christ. Embrace your differences and build bridges. Don't be selfish!

5 - Remain loyal. According to Mr. Webster, loyalty means, "devoted to, to stand by, to fulfill promises." It also means "to forsake any ambition that compromises the relationship." Loyalty is an extremely important characteristic in a friend.

You should not let convenience dictate when you will be loyal. When you are loyal to your friends, you are committed through the difficult times. Holly Wagner reminds us that friendships are not always 50-50. Sometimes, when your friend is struggling, a friendship might be more like 70-30. If you're having a rough go, it might be 40-60. There may be a time in a friendship when it's 100-0. This is when it's exhausting to be a friend, but this is when you remain loyal to your friend. It's not easy, it's not convenient, but you must remain supportive and stick with your friend.

6 - Rejoice with your friends, even when it's hard. It's easy to be happy for a friend when something good happens that you don't really care about. When Party Chick's cheerleaders win their competitions, I can rejoice without jealousy because I don't coach cheerleading. Sometimes it is hard for us, as women, to be a loyal friend when our friend's life looks much better than our own. When my husband and I were still dating, Princess Chick got engaged. Yeah for her, right? Hmmm, let's see. I had been dating my now husband for well over 2 years. She had known her fiance for 2 months. Of course I was excited for Princess Chick. We were nearly inseparable, but she had something that I wanted, something that I had been waiting and praying for. My heart was so hurt, but I was also happy for her. I was honest with Princess Chick. I told her that I was excited for her, but I needed a moment to wrap my head around it all and pull myself together.

I was so thankful that Princess Chick was sensitive and patient with me while I worked out my selfish, but very honest, feelings. She had been there with me even before my husband and I started dating, and she certainly was about to leave me alone. And, she was one of the very first to rejoice with me when I did get engaged. You see, when you take your eyes off of yourself, you are then able to display your loyalty.

7 - Remember that friendships are like Crock-Pots, not microwaves. For a "drive-though," instant-gratification society, this is a tricky one! Any relationship takes time. Time to develop, and you must invest time. Just because you've known someone for years does not mean that you have developed a close relationship. If neither of you has invested anything of yourself into the other, this friendship will not grow or develop into anything more than an acquaintance.

8 - Never rely on one person to be your everything. God is the only one that you can truly depend on. He is the only one that will never let you down. He will always be there for you. He will never break His promises to you. If you expect the same from one person, or for any person, you will be disappointed. It is easy to want to depend solely on another individual, but not only is this not fair to you (because you will be disappointed), but it is also unfair to that person. That's a lot of pressure to put on one person, knowing that it is an impossible task. Due to our flesh, we will let someone down, and others will let us down.

9 - Be honest with your friends. Does this even need explanation? Be real. You don't need to lie to make friends. Be who you are, and tell them the truth. Your friendships cannot be built on lies. Sooner or later, the truth will come out, and your friendships may not survive.

10 - Offer encouragement. Be the encourager sometimes. Just like you need encouragement some times, your friends do too. Although relationships are not always 50-50, they can't always be 0-100. You need to put forth some effort as well! Get over your fear or betrayal and open up your heart. Relationships must have some depth to them, and the only way to grow deeper in a friendship is to open yourself up and be willing to be transparent.

11 - Don't wait until someone is dead or dying to say good things to them. Right now, in a note, a call, an email, a text, or face-to-face, tell your friends how much you love her. Be specific about what you love about her. Share your dreams, or your fears. Whatever you do, do it now!