With Fear and Trembling

And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. 2 For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3 I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. 4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power,5 so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

Background: Paul is referring back to his first trip to Corinth, which was not part of his initial missionary journey, but still early in his missionary "career."  He and Barnabas had parted ways, and Paul has recently crossed paths with Timothy.  But what I love about this is that Paul, despite coming "in weakness with great fear and trembling," and not speaking "with eloquence or human wisdom," hones right in on the power of Jesus Christ and His Resurrection, which is demonstrated through the power of the Holy Spirit.

It has been about two and a half years since God completely broke me to my core.  Life as I had known it for many years no longer made sense, and I needed something to change.  And, with all of his godly wisdom, I had to wait on Him.  And so I waited.  And through the waiting I opened by Bible with a desperation that I had not had before.  The words spoken thousands of years ago became my life line.  I spent hours in the morning and then throughout the day soaking in God's promises.  I started keeping a list of the verses that I really felt God was impressing on me as I "wandered in the wilderness."  And through this time of painful waiting, I grew.

Now, about a year and a half after "the big change" that I had been praying and seeking God's wisdom about, I continue clinging to the Scriptures.  I have seen and experienced "the Spirit's power," and I don't want to know a life without it.

Without even realizing it, I have become excited to share with others what God is teaching me through His Word.  I am an emotional gal whose mind races past what her mouth can express and who cannot find the word that she is desperately seeking.  I therefore stumble over my verbal delivery, feeling as though something has been lost in my less than stellar, unclear explanation.

But I can't stop.  There is something moving and I can't stop.  I'm excited to see where this road is going!  Maybe one day I will speak with eloquence, but today I share with my audience of one, and that is okay.  

My takeaway: God uses us in our weakness by providing us with His Strength.  It does not matter if we "feel" ready to walk in obedience to wherever He is taking us...all we have to do is go.  

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

Oceans by Hillsong United has been my anthem since last summer.  It's words haunt me somedays and other days bring such encouragement.  Either way, I hear God's whisper to leave behind what makes sense and follow Him into the great unknown, worrying not what man will think, but only knowing that my actions are pleasing to Him.

This morning I am joining other women as we reflect on 1 Corinthians 2:1-5 at She Reads Truth.