Motivate Me Monday

I'm back! I have rejoined the land of the living, and boy does it feel good!!! I'm still waiting test results for my abdominal condition, but I haven't felt nauseous in several days! Praise God! On Friday I went back to the doctor with an ear infection and pink eye, and my daughter has bronchitis. BUT, both of us are on the mend, and that is all I need. Thank you all for your prayers and kind notes. You are true blessings to me.

This morning Sarah Mae offered a Motivate Me Monday prompt:

When has there been a time where you felt weak (and maybe your prayers weren't being answered) but where you saw God ultimately use His strength through your weakness (or maybe you didn't see it, but you trusted)?

At first I thought I would write about my most recent succession of sickness, but I'm tired of writing about that. Plus, I wanted to write about something that is actually motivating.

My baby girl was born in September 2007. She was born exactly four weeks before her due date, so she is technically not a "full-term" baby. Imagine my surprise when my water broke that morning...

Let me back up and give you some insight here.

I wasn't supposed to get pregnant without a fight. I have cysts on my ovaries that prevent me from ovulating on my own. So I worried about it. For months before my husband and I were even ready to start trying, I was begging God to bless our family with a child. I even began to let Satan whisper his dirty words into my heart, "It's because of what you did..." The details aren't important, but I had things in my past that God had forgiven, but I was so desperate, that I began to listen to the enemy.

All this worrying for nothing. I got pregnant immediately. I took a test just to amuse a friend, and there it was, two lines! Both of us were shocked, but extremely excited!

Now comes the worry again. What if something happens? I felt completely out of control. And, no one conceives that easily. It's just not the way it works. There has to be something that is wrong. I prayed and prayed that the baby was alright. I prayed that the 12 week mark would hit so that I would feel more confident that everything was fine.

And it was. Aside from feeling physically run down, emotionally drained, and constantly sick, my pregnancy was smooth. No alarms. No actual reasons to worry.

As the time drew near, I found something new to worry about. Giving birth. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do it. The mental image (and actual images) were almost too much for me. At one point I had to put my book down. I was reading a description about an episiotomy, and got light headed (and maybe threw up in my mouth a little). I remember talking long hours with my mom and my mentor. I was scared.

So, back to the water breaking. My husband was still home (Praise God, because I was afraid I'd be all alone). I took a shower and we headed to the hospital. I wasn't having contractions, but I was praying. We got there, checked in, put the gown on, hopped in the bed, and waited. And waited. And waited.

But it was during the waiting that my fears subsided. It was during the waiting that I felt the presence of the Lord in that hospital room like I hadn't experienced in a long time. He was there. He was with me. And He had provided me with peace and strength.

Although I still wasn't having many contractions, and still wasn't dilating, and there was talk about a C-section, I was enjoying the presence of my Lord. There is absolutely no way that I would have been able to handle everything that day. But He is a faithful God. He provides you with the strength that you are unable to muster up on your own.

After 17 hours, many awkward positions, and a fetal unrest scare, I went from 4 to 10 centimeters in a half hour, and we were ready to push! It was a Thursday, and we were scheduled to have our child-birthing class on Saturday, so I made it up. Everything I had learned on A Baby Story was coming into play. I used yoga breathing and listened to my nurse.

I only pushed for 10 minutes, and out came my baby girl!

I tend to fear the unknown because it's unknown. But, I am able to find strength in the Lord.

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear...
Psalm 46:1

Head on over to Sarah Mae's for more motivation this morning!