Quiet Strength

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Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ² when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³ Your beauty... ⁴ ...should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

1 Peter 3:1-4

These four verses are such a beautiful and gentle reminder of how I should love my husband.  I need to be pure and respectful - not always full of words and wit.  

My marriage is in a season of growth - and through growth there is pain.  Both my husband and I are growing.  God is growing us, and I know that from growth comes strength and endurance, but that is the result of growing.  Right now we are being pruned - and that part hurts.

A dear friend of mine has walked a similar path with her husband, and through her wisdom told me that she is praying for a "quiet strength."  Oh, how timely those words were.  And how difficult they are for me to actually live out.

It is hard for me to sit with quiet strength and godly submission.  I want to stand up for myself and defend myself, and throw in a snarky comment that hurts.  Please do not misunderstand what I am saying either: If you are suffering in an abusive relationship, be it physical or emotional, get help.  Do not suffer in silence.  God does not ask that we sit in quiet submission while our husband lashes out at us.  As the child of an emotionally abusive man, those scars last a lifetime, even after apologies and forgiveness.

But, in this instance, I need to be quiet.  My husband is hurting in ways that I can't fix.  He is navigating the unknown, and taking leaps of faith.  And my words need to be wise and encouraging.  I need to love him, in good times and in bad.

These are the lessons I am learning from these verses:

•  I do not know what the absence of words will produce in my husband when he sees genuine purity and reverence lived out in me.
• My beauty is not on the outside, but rather is reflected in my inner self.  That beauty is unfading, and comes from a gentle and quiet spirit.

I met with another friend today and she allowed me to share some of my hurt with her, and then spoke such wisdom to me when she told me that this would be her prayer for me:

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19-20

I am excited to see how God is growing us, but the process of growth comes with pain.  "Growing Pains" are not only experienced by young children in their legs!  But I am committed to growth, as an individual and in my marriage.  And who knows what might come from my quiet and gentle submission.