Confession - I'm a Hot Mess (and you might be too...)

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Ash Wednesday is today, which means this is the first day of Lent.

As a child I don't remember a lot about Lent.  When I was in high school I would occasionally try giving things up because someone I knew was doing it - but I had no idea what I was doing...and I'm pretty sure one year I gave up swearing...

Then, as a young adult, the Pentecostal church I was involved in did nothing with either Ash Wednesday or Lent - but played up Easter real big.  My friends didn't even know what Lent was except some "Catholic thing."

And then last year, Ash Wednesday, Lent, Maundy Thursday, and even Good Friday because very real and very tangible.

Our family went to the Ash Wednesday service at our Not Catholic church because my husband had been asked to play for worship.  Both of our girls were with us, as well as his parents and one of his sisters - they wanted to watch him play.

I'm not sure what happened - and don't forget - I'm a crier - but I started weeping and I Could Not Stop.  My sweet four year-old wanted me to hold her during worship and my bawling upset her so much that she began to cry.  We were a hot mess!

But isn't that exactly what we all are?  A. HOT. MESS.

We try too hard to pull it all together on the outside.  We buy nice (enough) clothes.  We fix up our houses (and clean them when people are coming over...).  We drive fancy (-ish) cars.  Or we tote around new gadgets that make others go "oooh..."  Or we are Uber Volunteers at work or school or (horrors) church.  Always there, "serving God" while our family is falling to pieces at home?

But for me, last year on Ash Wednesday, my little self allowed God to break into my deep down parts and expose my hurt and pain and sin - not to Him (He already knew) - not to the world (it was none of their business) - but to me (because I needed to Repent and fall at the feet of my Savior and allow Him to restore me and cleanse me).

I left the service exhausted, my daughter traumatized, but also free of some heavy burdens I had been carrying around.

I left with a very real realization that Jesus HAD to come to this lost and broken world - for me.

We are heading back tonight to the Ash Wednesday service.  I fully expect that there will be tears.  And there should be.  Lent is the season where we are preparing our hearts for Easter.  We are remembering why Jesus HAD to come.  And that should make us sad.

But, with Easter comes JOY because He defeated death and is ALIVE!!!  And so our season of sorrow ends with promise of Joy!!!